Ain't Misbehavin'

Dear Fellow Disney Guests,

Are you acting like complete morons because you are far from home and assume you'll never see us again, or are you this stupid all of the time?

Sincerely,
Teri

No, I'm not being too harsh. We've all encountered this person: The Stupid Guest. The loud, inconsiderate, annoying, rude guest. Are you "that guest"? Here are some signs:

1. Screaming Children -- I'm not blaming the kids here. Kids scream, and you can't expect to reason with a six-month-old. But if your infant is screaming non-stop in a theater where 2,000 other people are trying to watch a show, good manners would dictate that you exit the theater to calm your yelling youngster. Of course, there are always those lovely parents that are screaming hysterically at their kids. Nice example, really.

2. Attack of the Killer Strollers -- Here's a news flash: strollers are a mode of transportation for people too young or small to navigate the parks on their own. They were not designed to be used as battering rams by impatient parents.

3. Parade Patience -- If I've been waiting for 30 minutes in this spot to watch the parade, you have no right to cut in front of me. If you wanted to have this spot, you should have gotten here first.

4. Throwing Food -- I can't believe I even need to mention this, but sadly I do. Parents: don't let your kids throw food. I don't want the remains of your child's meal in my hair or on my clothes. Also, don't let your kids feed the animals. Feeding birds means aggressive birds, and more birds. More birds mean more bird poop. I've even seen people try to feed small alligators. Because teaching alligators to associate humans with food is such a good idea.

5. Characters -- Yes, I know your child has been waiting his whole life to meet Mickey, but so has everyone else's children. And for goodness sake, be nice to the characters. Pulling Tigger's tail or hitting Donald isn't funny; it's mean.

6. Swearing -- You are surrounded by small children. At no point does it occur to you that you may want to keep your F-bombs to a minimum?

7. Smoking -- I'm all about individual liberties, but at no point does your right to smoke trump my right to breathe clean air. There are designated smoking areas at WDW, and the line for Peter Pan's Flight is not one of them.

8. PDA -- I don't car if you're gay, straight, bi, young, old, black, white, green, or purple. Date/marry whomever you want, and celebrate your love everywhere, including WDW. Just do it in good taste. Holding hands and sweet kisses are fine, but a WDW park bench is not an appropriate spot for making out. Neither are the boats on it's a small world or Pirates of the Caribbean, for that matter.

9 Center of the Universe -- Issues happen everywhere, and how you handle them says a lot about you. By all means, let a cast member know if there is a problem. But does berating a 20-year-old kid making $8.00 per hour truly make you feel that much better? So, you didn't get the resort room view you wanted. Or Cinderella took a break right before your kid's turn to meet her. Or your waiter screwed up your drink order. Is screaming like a banshee going to improve the situation?

10. Public Nudity -- Do you really need me to tell you not to do this? Really?

11. Public Peeing -- There are restrooms about every fifteen feet at WDW, and they are all clean and well-maintained. There is no reason to let your kid cop a squat outside Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. Or your drunk buddy, for that matter.

No, I'm not exaggerating. Sadly, I've seen all of the above behaviors exhibited at WDW. I try to remember that the people around me are hot, overwrought, and probably sleep deprived. But we're all in this together folks, so as Woody would say, "Play nice".