Time to be Movin’ Along

Today’s topic: What attractions at Walt Disney World should be put on the chopping block?  

Many of you are probably going to consider this concept sacrilegious, I’m sure. You feel that Disney should only add, never subtract.  But look at it this way: Every attraction costs money to run – electricity, cast members to man it, etc. And there is a finite amount of each space in the four parks. Is every attraction really deserving of this prime real estate?  Let’s look at each park and see where some of these resources might be better utilized.

Magic Kingdom:

1. Tomorrowland Speedway – Yes, it’s an opening day attraction. Yes, it often has long lines. You know what? I don’t care. This attraction is not worthy of the name “Disney”, in my opinion. There are similar attractions in pretty much every amusement park in the country, sometimes even with better theming. There’s nothing that makes this a truly Disney attraction, and I really don’t see how it fits in Tomorrowland (unless in the future, all cars are only going to go 7 MPH. In that case, shoot me now.)  A Cars overlay would make a huge difference (along with redefining this as a Fantasyland attraction), but word has it that the Disney’s Hollywood Studios people don’t want to see that happen, because they are hoping to get an entire Cars Land in a few years. As far as I’m concerned however, internal WDW politics should not stand in the way of progress.

2. Stitch’s Great Escape – When the highlight of the show is someone burping chili dogs in your face, it’s time to rethink the attraction. Why not go back to Alien Encounter?  You did it with Enchanted Tiki Room and Captain EO.

* Dishonorable Mention: Tom Sawyer Island – I feel a little guilty including this, because I’ve never actually visited this attraction. But doesn’t the fact that I’ve been to WDW around 20 times but never felt the need to venture over there tell you something?

Epcot:

1. Captain EO – Nostalgia is all well and good, but enough is enough. Not that I think a return to Honey, I Shrunk the Audience would be any better. This is the Imagination! Pavilion, Disney. Perhaps you should put your imaginations to work and come up with something new. (But for goodness sake, don’t go back to that idea of a trip through Michael Jordan’s mind that Jim Hill once mentioned. That’s just about the worst idea ever.)

2. Any of the World Showcase Films – Films about a country are awesome when you’re in a junior high Geography class and don’t want to do any real work.  They are not what I’m wanting to do when I’m paying about $100 per hour for entertainment. World Showcase needs some bona fide “E ticket” attractions, period.

* Dishonorable Mentions:  The Circle of Life – As far as edutainment goes, this is too much “edu” and not enough “tainment” for me.  Also, the Wonders of Life Pavilion and the Odyssey Restaurant; Disney should be embarrassed about these empty buildings. And I don’t even want to hear about a lack of sponsors. I might have bought that line of reasoning when theme park tickets cost $15 dollars per day, but not at today’s prices.

Disney’s Hollywood Studios

1. Sounds Dangerous – It’s never open anyway. Why hang onto it?

2. The American Idol Experience – It was cool to see my husband perform in this a couple of times, but I’d never spend part of my day in the park watching complete strangers compete. And is anyone really still all that interested in American Idol?

*Dishonorable Mentions: Studios Backlot Tour, Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular, Lights Motors Action Extreme Stunt Show – All of these fall into the “one and done” category for me.  I wouldn’t miss any of these at all.

Animal Kingdom

This one is really easy: all of Chester and Hester’s Dino-Rama.  Yes, I know this is the feel they were trying for. Yes, I know it’s deceptively expensive to make something that looks this cheap and tacky. I don’t care. I find the whole area completely unappealing. I like Dinosaur, and that’s it. Maybe if they’d have gone ahead with the planned Excavator attraction that was originally supposed to be included, this area would have a more cohesive theme and might appeal to me more. As it is, I wrinkle up my nose in distaste whenever I see it, just as I would a real roadside attraction. That’s a level of authenticity I just don’t need.

So, how much do you want to strangle me now?  Have I served up anything you love on my plate of “extremely disposable”?  What attractions do you think should retire? Feel free to post them over at https://www.facebook.com/disneygene. Just don’t lay a finger on my Country Bear Jamboree! :)