How to Serve Fried Tiki Bird

Okay, that title may have been in poor taste.  What can I say?  I’m in a bit of a bad mood.  People on Facebook are trying to tick me off, I swear.

But back to the Tiki Birds.  I’m sure by now you’ve heard that The Enchanted Tiki Room "Under New Management" at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom recently suffered some fire damage and is currently closed.  Disney claims it was a small fire confined to the attic, but strong rumors are floating around that several of the Audio-Animatronic figures, particularly Iago, suffered severe damage. Naturally, this has us all speculating on the future of the attraction.  Since I love a good gossip session as much as the next person, I thought I’d chime in.

Option A: Worst case scenario would be for the attraction to just stay closed. It wouldn’t be unheard of (Wonders of Life Pavilion, anyone?), but: 1. that would tick me off and 2. that would make for really boring speculation, so let’s continue.

Option B would be for them to just reopen the “Under New Management” version exactly as it was.  I’m sure this would be the easiest idea for Disney, but I’m really hoping they don’t do that.  To this day, it still breaks my heart to hear Phil Hartman’s voice in the preshow.  I want to start ranting about the evils of drug abuse right there in the middle of the Magic Kingdom, and people tend to look askance at me when I do that. And seriously, Miami Sound Machine’s Conga and Buster Poindexter’s Hot, Hot, Hot were outdated before the show even opened, and I highly doubt anyone is going to make a case for calling either of those numbers timeless classics.

Option C would be for them to put an entirely new attraction here.  The idea has merit, I suppose, but I personally like seeing homage made to the first ever Audio-Animatronics in a Disney park.

Option D would be for them to just put the original show back in.  I kind of like this idea, but with a twist.  What if we had some new preshow characters (a flock of gossiping crows, maybe?), discussing how the Tiki Gods were angered by Iago’s disrespect, and that prompted the return of the original show. Heck, maybe we can even throw in a sight gag of Iago and Zazu in the “birdie boiler”!  Your thoughts?